Ring shaming

When you get engaged, everyone wants to see the ring. In fact, sometimes they’ll straight-up grab your hand and bring it to their face for a closer look. I could never get pregnant because I hear that that’s a life event where people feel even more entitled to touch you.

Really, though, I don’t mind people squealing,  “Oooohhhh, so pretty!”  I happen to agree with them. My ring is pretty.ring It looks roughly like the picture to the right.

But did you know, my ring is also basic?

Ring shaming is a thing. Pretty much any wedding blog or discussion forum related to marriage is an absolute mine for examples of ring shaming.

Oh wait, did I say “mine”? Shit. My ring isn’t from a mine, I swear! Don’t hurt me!

Before I got engaged, I assumed the “diamonds-are-a-girls-best-friend crowd” were the most judgmental. You know, the ladies who watch ‘The Bachelor’ without irony, who actually know (and care about) the four C’s, and who post a photo of “the bling” on their manicured hand the second they get engaged to their “best friend.”

But I was wrong. The ring hipsters are far worse. They’re just as image-conscious as the Diamond People, but they’re more annoying because they don’t realize it. They will say terrible things about diamond rings and, all the while, pat themselves on the back for heroically subverting tradition by wearing a ring with an emerald and an inscription in Elvish.

**Disclaimer:** I am not knocking the Elvish rings or incorporating fandoms into engagement jewelry! I would have loved a ring with an engraving in Dothraki — if Dothraki were a written language.

And now for a true story

There was a two-week period between getting engaged and getting my ring. For the record, as non-traditional as ring hipsters think they are, they will still ask to see your ring and be surprised that you don’t have it “yet.”

Anyway, an acquaintance at a party told me she was excited to see what my ring would look like, since I wasn’t “the type of person to get a diamond.” And then the conversation careened into awkward territory.

“I mean, everyone has a diamond,” she said with an eyeroll, holding up her own (admittedly lovely) ruby ring. “I always knew I wanted something unique. Like, it’s more meaningful when you have something that’s just YOU, you know?”

I can’t wait til I next see her, so I can show her my round-cut diamond. I will bask in the awkwardness. I happen to love my ring because my fiance picked it out — and I will use it to maim anyone who criticizes it to my face.

Now, I know there’s another facet (har!) to diamonds, and that is The Blood Diamond Question. For the record, my diamond is lab grown. But I do think it’s obnoxious to ask someone (usually this happens in a low whisper), “Where was the ring sourced?” My fiance has gotten that question a couple times, and he has fun nerding out on ring-growing technology.

But I think the question is rude and also a poor way to win people to your cause. I think that, whenever you see an engagement ring (whether he “went to Jared” or forged it in the fires of Mordor) you should just squeal, “Oooooh, so pretty!”

Has anyone said anything stupid about your ring? Do you secretly judge people for the rings they wear?


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