My engagement is apparently ‘too long’

“So when’s the wedding?”

Everyone asks this, starting literally the second you get engaged. And everyone expects you to give a date 10 to 15 months in the future, which is somehow the “sweet spot” for engagement length.

So when I tell people I’m getting married in summer or fall 2016, the next question they generally ask is, “Why are you waiting so long?”

Well, for one thing, my home town is across the country from where I now live. I get home maybe once or twice a year, so it’s not like I can quickly visit, vet and price out venues. Plus, there are maybe five venues in my home city that will hold 250 people AND that are in our budget. And those are all booked up through the entirety of 2015 (I checked). Early 2016 is out because snow renders my hometown inaccessible to anything but plows between January and May. Besides, I have three other weddings to attend next year, a full-time job, two planned trips abroad, some demanding but rewarding hobbies, and a BIG aversion to planning events (and reoccurring nightmares from my former job as an event planner).2016

Dividing all this wedding business up into bite-sized chunks over the next two years seems preferable to living in a pressure cooker.

If you managed to plan your wedding in a few months, I am a bit jealous of you and a LOT impressed with you. But I just can’t.

And frankly I’m a bit surprised that there’s a lot of obsession with  the length of other people’s engagements. If you have a bottle of vodka handy, you can stroll over to my favorite hate-read:’s wedding blog comments section — and read the opinions of people whose only hobby is WEDDINGS.

It’s easy to laugh off strangers on the internet saying you “won’t make it down the aisle” if you wait longer than a year (I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly a decade, so I’m not worried), or “your friends and family won’t be as excited after a multi-year engagement” (believe me, mine have been asking me if I’m getting married for the past 8 years, I think they’ll still care in 2016).

But it’s annoying the shit out of me to have friends and family members ask why I’m waiting “so long.”

And you know who are THE WORST? The people who will say, “Hey, you should get married at [insanely popular museum in my town that gets booked up more than a year-and-a-half in advance]” and then, in the next breath, ask “Why are you waiting so long?” And then I check my email to see yet another response from a vendor telling me that I should let them know my date of my “special day” ASAP because they’re already booking Saturdays for summer 2016.

But I guess it’s better than what my friend had to deal with: She had a 6-month engagement and was accused of “rushing down the aisle” and having a “shotgun wedding” by virtue of being pregnant.

How long was your engagement? Did people tell you it was “too long,” “too short,” or “just right?” How did you respond? I’ve been saying, “How kind of you to offer to plan it for me!” It shuts people up.




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