Proposal shaming

We’ve already discussed ring shaming. Since we’re in the middle of what the wedding industry has dubbed “engagement season,” this seems like as good a time as any to talk about proposal shaming. Also, my Facebook friends have been sharing this year-old prime example of proposal shaming from Post Grad Problems: To All the Idiots Who Proposed on Christmas.

Sayeth the author:

The biggest problem I have with proposing on Christmas is that it’s unoriginal. It’s just so incredibly lame. Same goes for New Year’s Eve. It’s just foolish and self-centered to do it on days that should be about family and friends, not your relationship. It’s a cliché wrapped in a cliché wrapped in a metaphor for your shitty, unoriginal, uninspiring love story that will culminate with you getting down on a knee in the living room, leaving most of the family members in attendance with a look on their face that says, “Look at this fuckin’ guy.”

If you enjoy watching someone lose their fucking mind about other people’s life choices (or if you can appreciate the logic gymnastics of a guy arguing that you can propose on literally ANY day, but NOT Dec. 25 BECAUSE HE SAYS SO), the rest of the post is worth a read.

I think most reasonable people will agree that anyone who would call someone’s proposal “not special enough” (because they didn’t hire someone to plan it, or do it on a special holiday) is a jerk. But people who loudly announce that they are “sooooo over” Christmas proposals or public proposals or any kind of proposals are no better. Both factions have witnessed someone’s personal choice and deemed it Not Good Enough. Both factions have witnessed people doing something that affects their life for, at most, a few minutes (if at all) and then spend more than a few minutes making sure those people feel like shit about it.

I fully accept I may be over-sensitive about this issue. I’ve had many aspects of my own wedding ripped apart, critiqued and mocked like it’s a competitive reality TV show. For some people, my wedding is too big. For others, it’s not  fancy enough.

So to everyone who got engaged on Christmas, on New Year’s Eve, on Valentine’s Day, at the ballgame, or in a dazzling locale — and to those who got engaged on a random Tuesday, or while washing dishes, or in their living room eating take-out — I say only this: CONGRATULATIONS! … And my condolences for having to plan a happy occasion in a world full of haters.


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