My bridesmaids aren’t going to match, and it’s going to ruin my wedding, said everyone ever

Several weeks ago, I was thinking to myself, “Hmmm I guess I should figure out what my bridesmaids are going to wear to give them plenty of time to get a dress.”

That thought was immediately followed by, “Wait a minute. I don’t give a shit.”

And so, I decided to tell my bridesmaids to wear whatever the hell they want. They are all stylish women in their 30s, and they can figure this shit out. I’m not even specifying a color, length or style.

“My aisle is your runway,” I told them.

And they were thrilled. The one who just had back surgery (and who is dealing with weight fluctuations during her recovery) actually cried with relief. The one who is living paycheck to paycheck sighed with relief, as did the one who’s been trying to get pregnant again and already owns a gorgeous maternity evening gown. The other two excitedly told me they had some designer dresses on their wishlist and were looking for an excuse to buy them.

The afterglow of my dear friends’ happiness led me to make a grave mistake: When other people started asking what color my bridemaids would be wearing, I responded, “Oh, I just told them to wearwhatever they want.”

The universal reaction so far has been:

So going forward, my form response is going to be, “Oh, I’m not sure yet.” Because that’s technically true.

But for a few weeks, I had to think of come-backs for my loved ones’ expressions of disgust and horror:

*******

Them: But the pictures will look AWFUL!

Me: My friends are beautiful. And so the pictures will be beautiful.

*******

Them: It will look sloppy.

Me: Don’t call my friends ‘it’ or ‘sloppy.’

*******

Them: Nobody will know they’re bridesmaids once the ceremony is over.

Me: Nobody will care anyway.

*******

Them: But you’re asking too much! Now they have to figure out what to wear on their own.

Me: Believe me, my friends know how to SHOP.

*******

Them: But the pictures have to match.

Me: OK fine, then you’ll have to coordinate matching outfits with the rest of the family. Because we’ll be doing posed shots with family, too. And if, as you say, the pictures have to match, I hope you and Great-Aunt Millie can find a dress you both agree on!

*******

Look, I’ve happily¬†worn many a bridesmaid dress in my time. But with all the caterer-shopping and invitation drama and all the other stressful decisions I have to make about this wedding, I’m trying to eliminate any decisions that do not matter. And, personally, to me, what my bridesmaids wear does not matter.

Did your bridesmaids match? Did people who weren’t even affected by your decision give you shit about your choice? And, if you did go the un-matching route, did your hideous wedding pictures instantly turn anyone to stone?

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