“It’s your day” is something you hear a lot when you’re engaged. And it’s bullshit.
And, no, not just because you can’t (and shouldn’t want to) control every aspect of a day and every person involved in it. It’s bullshit because the people who tell you “It’s your day!” will actually contradict themselves as soon as they find you’re doing something they don’t like.
“It’s your day! … But wait, you can’t have groomswomen!”
“It’s your day! … But you have to release doves during the ceremony!”
“It’s your day! … But you MUST do everything I say, because it’s your day and you deserve to have it be special, and by ‘special’ I mean specifically how I define ‘special’ because OBVIOUSLY you don’t know what special means!”
And if you try to laugh it off and say, “Well now, I thought you said it was *my* day …” they will give you what they assume to be the clincher:
“If you do/don’t do it, you will regret it forever.”
Let’s take a little stroll through all the things that my friends, family and potential vendors have told me I will regret For-Ev-Er about “my” day:
- Not having matching bridesmaid dresses
- Not having a bouquet/garter toss
- Not hiring a florist
- Not hiring a videographer
- Not paying for a 12-hour photography package so that the photographer is there til the very fucking end of the night
- Not having a choreographed grand entrance with our wedding party
- Not having a grand exit with sparklers ‘n’ shit
- Me not wearing a veil
- Not having engraved goblets to toast with
- Not writing our own vows
- Not having a tiny “meaningful” wedding/not having a BIGGER wedding. With guest numbers, it seems, we are bound to live with regret no matter what
- Having kids at our wedding because they will ruin “our” day
- Not having a ginormous cake
- Using a DJ instead of a live band
I’m in my 30s and I know what I want/don’t want — and what I can afford/can’t afford. And even if I *do* regret having/not having some minute detail at my wedding, if that’s my life’s biggest regret, I’ll count myself lucky.