Please stop assuming you’re invited to the wedding

With a few exceptions, I’m never that excited to get an invitation to a wedding in the mail. Especially if it involves travel, because that involves spending money from the “Vacation in Croatia” fund on “Wedding in Buffalo.” In fact, I’ve attended fewer than half of the weddings I’ve been invited to in the past decade because I don’t want the lovely couple spending $60 to feed me if I’m just going to resent them for it.

So, one of the many things that has shocked me as I plan my wedding is that people I barely know REALLY REALLY REALLY want to go to my wedding.

I’m talking people who I wouldn’t invite out to lunch, let alone to my wedding. It’s sweet I guess, but also very awkward.

  • At a party, a friend of a friend who I’ve hung out with maybe five times in the past several years (and always in groups) asked me how wedding planning was going. “Eh. It’s going,” I responded. “Planning a giant party out of state is a pain, but whatever.” “Well, let me know if you need any help,” she said. “I’m sure it’ll be great. [Boyfriend — whom I’ve never met] and I have always wanted to visit that city, and we’re thinking we’ll use your wedding as an excuse to visit some other cities nearby. How far a drive is your city from Chicago?” “Uh, like a few hours…” I responded, but what I was really thinking was, “What the hell? The most bonding experience we’ve had is playing Cards Against Humanity that one time, and I still introduce you to people as a friend of a friend.”
  • At another party, a couple I hadn’t seen in two years (and had maybe met twice before then) congratulated me and asked me which venues I’d been looking at. I started to tell them that I’d already chosen one and where it was, and they said, “Oh! So you’re getting married back home? Oh well, we’d better save up for plane tickets! What’s the date?” Uh, no,  how about you don’t save up for plane tickets because you’re not invited?
  • At a concert, a peripheral friend asked me for my wedding date because she wanted to make sure it wasn’t the same date as her brother’s. I didn’t know how to tell her the date of her brother’s wedding wouldn’t conflict with a wedding she was NOT invited to.

Most days, I can barely summon enough fucks to give about my wedding, so it always surprises me that other people care so much. In fact, I’m really cautious when talking to other people about their weddings, as I don’t want to appear too eager — when they’re making their guest list, I don’t want them thinking, “Well, she was so supportive and excited when we talked the other day — let’s invite her!”

If you are only a peripheral friend to the bride and groom, weddings SUCK. You get an assigned seat at a table of strangers (who want to catch up with people they know and not make small talk with you), eat glorified cafeteria food and then spend the rest of the night trying to awkwardly navigate the cliques on the dance floor and eating your cake alone at an empty table.


Even if your significant other attends with you, wouldn’t you rather go out and eat a nice meal and see a movie instead of coughing up money for a Southwest flight and two nights at the Hampton Inn to watch the nuptials of someone whose birthday you replied “Maybe” to on Facebook?

And yet, there are clearly people out there who hear that that one girl they know from a potluck last year is getting married and think, “Oh yay! A wedding! I am clearly invited, and I can’t WAIT!”

Did people ever assume they were invited to your wedding? How did you respond? Did it lead to any future awkwardness when they didn’t get in invitation?


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