Stop telling me not to freak out about the goddamn wedding!

When I left my family Christmas party, a well-meaning cousin hugged me goodbye and whispered conspiratorially, “Remember … don’t freak out about silly wedding stuff.”


I’ve gotten other variations of this statement:

Oh just relax and  have fun planning! All the things you’re worried about won’t matter in the end!

Don’t give your fiance a hard time. It’s all about the marriage, not just the wedding, you know.

Let’s unpack these statements (which I’ve gotten from several people already). Basically, it’s like saying:

“The things that are stressing you out about the wedding are unimportant.”

“You are a woman, so obviously you are filling your lady-brain with color-coordination and flowers!”

“Telling you to stop stressing is going to make you feel so much better! You’re welcome!”

We’ve already covered the fact that I could give a shit about color coordination and coordinating the perfect event. I’m  not even having flowers at this fucking wedding! In fact, I don’t even care what my bridesmaids wear.

Honestly, the thing that is stressing me out is, I think, pretty legit:

  • I want to make sure every guest gets an invitation so that everyone has a seat at the wedding and  a plate of food.

Not so frivolous, really.

So why am I freaking out about something so mundane? Well,  my future in-laws still won’t give me anything resembling a guest list. And my future mother-in-law called me on Saturday to give me a stream-of-consciousness rant on who she thought MUST be invited (ie, some people she saw at a party recently) but refused to give me any info I’d need to actually INVITE them except, “They live in Plano, I think. PLEASE send them a card. They must be invited.”

Plus, my fiance has given to pretending he is helpless and incapable of helping, despite my creative attempts to torture him into doing it.

So, I don’t think I’m out of line here, with my stress. I’m planning an event that is symbolic and emotionally charged for our parents. Expectations are high and willingness to help me is low. And, no, telling me not to stress isn’t helpful. The next time someone tells me not to stress out, I am going to make Kylo Ren look zen:

kylo ren tantrum

Did anyone tell you to “stop stressing out” about your wedding? How did you resist the urge to kill them with the Force?



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