Most of our save-the-dates went out last week — to my family and our friends, anyway (my future in-laws are still all, “Guest list? What guest list? Just drop 1,000 invitations from an airplane over the state in which most of our friends reside and see who shows up!”).
After I dropped the block of post cards in the mailbox with a resounding thud (and yelled “Save the date, bitches!”), I was satisfied that yet another wedding chore had been checked off the list.
Little did I know that plenty save-the-date-related annoyance was yet in store.
Because our friends (bless their stupid little hearts) are posting on Facebook about receiving them.
People have been taking photos of the post card, tagging us in the photo, and captioning it, “Can’t WAIT!”
People have been writing on our walls things like, “Just got your save-the-date card in the mail! I can’t wait to celebrate with you!” Another person wrote, “Hey got your save-the-date. Probably won’t be able to make it because I am going to a con that weekend, but thanks for thinking of me.” Gee, that’s nice. Did the fucking save-the-date say “RSVP via Facebook”?
I have been untagging myself and deleting that shit with no explanation. Because no explanation should be needed; you don’t brag about being invited to an event in a place where people who are NOT invited could see it.
Plus, it creates giant problems for the bride and groom. In our case, there are a ton of people who think they should be invited. We have had to have awkward conversations with these people in which we have told them, “We are only able to invite close friends and family.” I am embroiled in a shit-storm with my future in-laws, who are culturally expected to invite literally everyone they’ve ever MET to the wedding, even though we can’t invite 700 people. This will turn into a Category 5 shit-storm if any of these people see that fucking Angela got a save-the-date and “can’t wait to #celebrate #truelove #herecomesthebride!!!”
In other words, your well-meant post may force me to have another awkward conversation, and I have had it up to HERE with awkward wedding-related conversations (and with wedding-related conversations of all types, for that matter). Or, worse, your post could end some of our friendships or make my fiance’s parents’ lives difficult.
We’ve posted jack shit about the wedding on Facebook, even though it’s our fucking wedding. I know photographs of the wedding itself will undoubtedly find their way onto Facebook, and I know I can’t stop it (although I will be disabling my Facebook profile the week before and after the wedding). But, by then it will all be over, and I can say, “Wedding? What wedding?” whenever someone brings it up.
I am touched that people are excited, I know people mean well, and I’ve certainly posted some well-meant but unintentionally damaging stuff on Facebook in my time. But, please, I’m begging you: By all means, put the save-the-date on your refrigerator, kiss it and place it under your pillow, set it on fire, I don’t care. Or, if you want to tell us you got our crappy save-the-date postcard, send us a PRIVATE message or a text. If you put it on Facebook, I’m going to tell my in-laws that you’re our wedding coordinator and to call you with all their wedding-related concerns.