I am REALLY sorry, but I can’t find you a place to crash for our wedding

Our save-the-dates have been working their way around the world for about a week now. As my coworker told me today, “Now the real bullshit begins.”

And some of the shit that I don’t know how to deal with is people asking us to find them a place to crash when they come into town for our wedding.

I don’t want to be mean, despite what you might think from this blog. But should this really be my problem?

When we first started planning the wedding, my fiance and I made a list of the people we knew we MUST have at our wedding. For some of those people, we knew traveling to my hometown and staying there for a weekend would be a financial burden. So, we approached these people ourselves and offered them accommodations with some of my in-town friends and relatives who graciously offered. About 10 people are crashing with me at my parents’ house. We also booked a couple cheap hotel rooms ourselves and offered them to some of our cash-strapped VIPs. We are even using my air miles from credit card sign-up bonuses to fly an aunt and uncle in for the wedding.

Now that everyone else has gotten save-the-dates, other requests for free accommodations are starting to trickle in.

I’ve offered to keep a list of people looking for hotel roommates to split the cost with, but, based on the reactions so far, this isn’t enough. “I’d rather crash on somebody’s couch,” was the response from one friend,”Even with a roommate splitting the cost, I’d have to pay $50 a night.” Problem is, all the couches I know of in my home town are already taken by out of town family and the above-mentioned VIPs. If you weren’t on that list, I’m really really sorry, but you’re on your own.

I don’t want to be heartless, but come on, people. You have another option: Stay home. Really, it’s OK. I’d love to have you there, but I don’t want you to go broke, and I also don’t have the time or money to help everyone who thinks I’m their personal travel agent.  Maybe we can go out for a celebratory dinner when we get home (where the food will probably be better, anyway).

I know it sucks not being able to afford to attend an out-of-town wedding you REALLY want to go to. I went to grad school in my 20s. I missed several weddings I really wanted to be at, but couldn’t afford to get to. In those cases, I researched my options and attempted to coordinate with other guests when possible, but if the numbers just weren’t working out budget-wise, it never occurred to me to call up the bride and groom and say, “Hey, I’m broke, but I still want to come, so I’m going to make it your problem.” Instead, I did the adult thing and said, “I’m so sorry, but I won’t be able to make it. I wish you all the best!”

If I were a millionaire, I’d buy out the Hilton for a night. But I’m not. I promise I won’t guilt-trip you into coming to a wedding you can’t afford — just please don’t guilt-trip me because you can’t be there.

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