MIL problems


My future MIL is a very kind-hearted, generous and loving woman. She’s done a lot for me and my fiance and has said multiple times she considers me a “daughter, no in-law!” She hails from a part of the world I’ve always wanted to visit and plan to do so (with her) some day. She buys me thoughtful presents and cooks me incredible meals.

But, as the wedding draws ever closer, I’m not so sure I’m enjoying the whole being-treated-like-a-daughter thing.

My future mother in law is, shall we say, unhealthily obsessed with appearances. And she isn’t, shall we say, aware of the body-positivity trend. As a result, our long engagement has given her plenty of time to stew in her paranoia that my wedding-day appearance will Ruin Everything.

Every body-weight fluctuation adds to her fear that I won’t be the ideal weight on the day I meet her relatives from the motherland for the first time.

Every haircut I get is a worrisome reminder that I can change my appearance at will and *might* do so for the Wedding Day.

Every bruise, hang nail, zit, sunburn or stray bit of unbleached facial hair is evidence that my body produces imperfections that might make an appearance on the day that’s supposed to be perfect.

Every time I wear a shade of lipstick that she doesn’t like or a dress color she hates or an outfit she finds distasteful is a reminder that I am picking my wedding clothes and make-up for the wedding — and will probably fuck it all up.

Every time I don’t have time to straighten my naturally curly hair is a reminder that I have unruly curls. And for all she knows, I might decide to let ’em loose for the wedding, even though she has reminded me (often) that my hair “doesn’t look nice when it’s curly.”

Every time I assure her that I’ve chosen my dress and jewelry with great care (with my ACTUAL mother), it’s a reminder that she has no control over how I present myself to her family and am not interested in her opinions (see above).

Every time I encourage her not to worry because *I* love my wedding dress and hairstyle and makeup and will therefore look beautiful and happy is a reminder that I don’t require her approval.

… And yes, she expresses her concerns out loud. It’s super fun.


For the record, when my fiance catches her putting me down, he intervenes and demands she stop. But it has just made her stealthier about cornering me.

My parents, to be fair, are their own special brand of crazy. But they have never EVER remarked on my fiance’s appearance, criticized his clothing choices, or tried to exercise any control over his personal style. They come to town every once in a blue moon, whisk him away to dinner, discuss which books they’re reading, ask polite and positive questions about his job, give him a big hug, and tell him how happy they were to see him. It’s as if they know there’s a line they shouldn’t cross with him. They cross it will ME all the damn time, but I am, after all, their daughter.

Do you have a healthy relationship with your in-laws? Did they push any boundaries while you were planning your wedding?




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