[Warning: Possible spoilers for Game of Thrones season 6 finale ahead, but seriously, how have you NOT watched it yet!?]
“Bridezilla” is a label our culture has given brides who are deemed controlling, angry and crazy. But I suspect many supposed bridezillas were just driven mad by the process of planning a wedding.
You know how in comics and movies and TV shows there’s always a story arc where you learn about the super villain’s origin story? And you think to yourself, “OK, wow, it make sense he/she became that way and feels totally justified in destroying the world.”
Well, I think behind every bridezilla, there’s a bridezilla origin story.
Perhaps Bridezilla was once a young, blushing bride, a mere fiancee, thrilled with the possibility of marrying her one true love. And then an evil witch told her she needed to lose weight before she could do so. From then on, she was cursed with body issues and anger.
Perhaps Bridezilla is a successful woman who has been living independently for 15 years — enjoys traveling and reading books and watching films and discussing current events. And then her mother starts texting her at 5 am with messages like, “Have you been thinking about chair covers and what color the table runners should be? Do you worry that the white of the table cloths will clash with the cream color of your dress? Also I am going to send you some more pictures of some veils because I don’t care if you think you don’t need one, you should wear one.”
Perhaps Bridezilla has been dressing herself for years and felt her wedding should be no different. After all, on a day when so many pictures will be taken, shouldn’t she feel beautiful, as she defines it? And then she is told that she is a monster, whose fashion choices will ruin everything — especially the pictures. It won’t even look like a wedding dress if she doesn’t have a full skirt and a train. And she is selfish for wearing such a hideous, plain dress — so, so selfish. “But do you know what’s really selfish?” someone else will say. “Spending $800 on a dress when you could re-purpose a dress out of found materials.”
Perhaps Bridezilla thought she and her fiance made a great team. As her to-do lists grow and grow, without any help from her fiance, she figures, “Well, silly me. Maybe he just needs more direction. It’s not fair to expect help if I don’t ask for it. And we do live in a society that expects women to do all the work for weddings.” So she asks her fiance if he could complete a few tasks by a certain deadline. When that deadline arrives, he says things got “Too crazy” and he “needs more time.” But Bridezilla knows for a fucking FACT that he has found the time to hunt Pokemon.
Or, perhaps Bridezilla thought she’d plan a happy event for all her loved ones and her fiance’s loved ones — a celebratory ball with food and drink and dance. She budgets carefully and plans long and hard. She works tirelessly to make sure everyone both families love is invited. When response cards bearing the words “Will attend with pleasure” come back in the mail, she starts thinking of celebrating with all these loved ones from near and far. She pretends to care deeply as people insist they are “Paleo” or gluten-free (even though she saw them eating lasagna at Christmas) and plans a menu accordingly. She takes a deep breath and writes the largest check she’s ever written to her caterer. But no matter! It’s all about making sure everyone has plenty to eat and drink. She and her fiance shuffle little post-it notes around for hours to create a seating chart, so that everyone has a place at the celebratory feast and sends the chart off to the printer. And then … fuckers who RSVP’d “yes” start saying, “Oh, I won’t be able to make it after all. I’m going to a music festival that weekend.” Those people are now dead to her. As dead as she feels inside.
That, friends, is how a blushing bride becomes Bridezilla. It’s three weeks before my wedding. And I’d say, on a scale of 0 to Bridezilla, I’m “Cersei in the Season 6 Finale” and feeling totally justified.