[Warning: Possible spoilers for Game of Thrones season 6 finale ahead, but seriously, how have you NOT watched it yet!?]
“Bridezilla” is a label our culture has given brides who are deemed controlling, angry and crazy. But I suspect many supposed bridezillas were just driven mad by the process of planning a wedding.
You know how in comics and movies and TV shows there’s always a story arc where you learn about the super villain’s origin story? And you think to yourself, “OK, wow, it make sense he/she became that way and feels totally justified in destroying the world.”
Well, I think behind every bridezilla, there’s a bridezilla origin story.
Our RSVP deadline was two weeks ago. About half our guests responded. Thus began two weeks of contacting people and trying to say, as nicely as possible, “Hey you fucking asshole. Who raised you? Also, are you coming to the wedding?”
Society, we need to do a better job at not making men suck so bad when it comes to helping with wedding planning.
The other week, A Practical Wedding ran an awesome piece called “My partner says he’s feminist, but he’s not helping with the wedding.” The comments are pretty amazing (as they always are on APW — LOVE that site), and the consensus seems to be that society doesn’t expect men to know much about weddings. Many men say they want big weddings but completely fail at the nitty-gritty of actually planning the thing — and society seems to think that’s OK.
In fact, the most frustrating part about being the female half of an engaged hetero couple is hearing that “men don’t like doing all that wedding–planning stuff.” Oh, because *I* like making spreadsheets, pricing out caterers and doing venue walk-throughs in my precious spare time? I do it because it needs to get done, and that doesn’t make me a “bride,” but a fucking ADULT.
The “Please respond by” deadline we put on the invitations is now approaching. Honestly, getting the little response cards back has been one of the only fun parts of wedding planning. Mail — yay! Notes from friends and family — yay! People coming to party with us — yay! People we invited out of obligation respectfully declining — yay!
However, as with all wedding stuff, there’s plenty to be annoyed about. Below are several public service announcements for those of you who don’t know what the fuck to do with a wedding invitation:
This couple threw an absolutely stunning Harry Potter-themed wedding. This couple threw a Star Wars-themed wedding that I wish I was invited to.
Throughout my long engagement, I’ve been asked what the theme of my wedding is. One friend even asked me if it’s going to be a “customized” wedding.
Truth be told, there is nothing “custom” about this wedding.
The other day, a friend told me that my fiance and I gave her hope.
“I’m holding out for a relationship like yours,” she said. “You guys inspire me not to settle. I hope I find someone I can love as much as you love each other.”
Little did she know that, just a few nights earlier, my fiance and I got into a screaming match over wedding pies (yes, pies).
It may not surprise you to learn that the fight wasn’t “really” about pies.
One of my Facebook friends is engaged. She shared a lovely photo recently of a “rustic” wedding, with guests sitting outdoors at long wooden Biergartenesque tables drinking from mason jars, Christmas lights twinkling like little fallen stars that got caught amid the branches of a gnarled Live Oak on the way down, paper lanterns strung between the trunks, and centerpieces made of used books.
“See?” she wrote in the accompanying status. “You don’t have to spend a lot of money to have a beautiful wedding!”
We had a long engagement. About two years.
Mostly, I’m happy with this decision. We have shit to do in our lives, and spreading wedding-planning out was definitely the way to go.
But there are some challenges in having a long engagement.
My future MIL is a very kind-hearted, generous and loving woman. She’s done a lot for me and my fiance and has said multiple times she considers me a “daughter, no in-law!” She hails from a part of the world I’ve always wanted to visit and plan to do so (with her) some day. She buys me thoughtful presents and cooks me incredible meals.
But, as the wedding draws ever closer, I’m not so sure I’m enjoying the whole being-treated-like-a-daughter thing.
Here you are, a newly engaged woman, thinking to yourself, “Hey I need to pick out an outfit for this wedding thing. I’m gonna pick out something I like that is in my budget and wear it. Kind of like I pick out my clothes every day, but to get married in.”
AHAHAHAHA are you kidding? These are wedding dresses we are talking about, so we have to make people feel like shit for their choices, no matter what they are.